Rising Sun

Maybe the thing about living a happy life, totally free from thoughts, be with person who builds you, be with people who could listen to you for hours are just plainly a dream after all.

In this world, people are busy finding their own path, telling themselves that they are the best that no one could beat them, feeling powerful and undefeated. It is great to have a set of friends, a flock of them which understand your fight, understand your vision, builds you and be there when you fall.

But this life ain't that easy.

Because everyone is finding this path to prove themselves right and being the best, the competition gets tougher. You start to float in the air and forget the soil.

You start to be the sun, and forget the owl.
You start to be right, and forget those who were always there when you break.

Life ain't that easy.
Life is all bias and proving the equation. You missed the other, you proved the other.
Life is all jealousy and understanding. You understand people one day and the next thing you realized you envy them.

And one more thing. Life ain't easy.

It breaks you. without notice.
then you will be feeling down finding the purpose and reason of why you were staying so strong, holding tears, feeling great most of the time.

And the next thing you know, you've been toyed. By powerful people who have yet to see the soil. By powerful people who have been using you. By powerful people who indoctrinate you with the thoughts that you were so great and doing well when they are actually using you to achieve their own personal agendas.

Life ain't easy.
Because it ain't permanent.

Life ain't easy.
Because the World is a test.

And life ain't easy.
Because you'll always be alone at the end.

Therefore, life is harsh.
It teaches you to hope and dream.
But all you feel is doubting the blessings you've received.
Because life don't know us better.
We do.

Love and Passion

It has been a hectic year so far. Phew.
But I am still in hope that this year will be the best year ever. :D
There are so many things happening, I can say that this year so far has been about me myself building a character, building a mature me.

It is so fun living year when it is all about you. Having friends that actually build you, rise together with you, supporting you through thick and thin. I do wonder what have I done that I am blessed with all these good people around me, thank you <3

About love, about passion, I am a believer that when you have shared passion among your circle, that will brought that circle into sharing a vision, viewing things similarly with you. Somehow I am feeling so grateful being in this group of people (YSS) since there's not much problem bonding at all and I am pretty sure it is because of this passion we shared.

I am ending my study year pretty soon, 1 more year to go (hopefully, Amin). I am currently thinking on creating a legacy before leaving. Building capabilities as much as I can, a team of people which can inspire other people, contribute to the community and make a difference. (This seems ambitious kan. Hahah.)

I can be so spirited at times, I know.

However, I am writing this to share how hard it actually is to have people that understand your passion all about. I seriously need to improve my PR skills.

Bye!

A pang of reality

I used to have that one flame that gives me so much satisfaction in life. I've never really mind spending sleepless nights, skipping classes as long as I can fulfilled this little crave of mine. I realized I've been holding the passion for quite some time, envying others spending their lifetime doing it since forever.

So that flame dies eventually.

***

I just finished watching the final of 2015 royal debate.

I met my fellow debate-mate. I can't really describe that little joy in me speaking with him. Not because he is quite cute (he really is) but the fact that this is one of the people I used to mingle with years back. Can't even stop speaking once I am with the crowd. Looking at the burning fire in his eyes, telling me all the differences that excites him during his session, all those sweet time we used to had during schooling debates, and that "you should try, man!"

I think I am missing the old me.
I miss the feeling of bickering others appropriately, in the MOST educated form.

***

So do I want to go back to that sweet life of mine?

Growing up, I think I left my confidence and passion on the way. It is super sad, super disappointing, super annoyed, and I dont know what should I be feeling actually.

Where do I left the old me?
Am I walking the wrong path?
Why didnt I proceed with the lifetime dream? Why did I chose this?

I might be losing myself in the search of better me.
I might be losing the gist of the original me while faking me.
I might be losing the little girl innocent dream while chasing what the world want me to be.

***

Well, Im out of words.

In a state of confusion.